Tired of dressing up as zombies and vampires? Check out our suggestions for Malaysian characters you can dress up as.

It’s that time of the year again. Unless you already decided your Halloween costume back in June, you’ve seriously run out of time to put together a snazzy ensemble to impress your friends. Fret not, however, because this handy list of five Malaysians whose virulent presence across social media this year is not only easy to parody, but with added ideas you can try to score brownie points for effort. Follow this guide to the letter and we can guarantee that you will be the toast of your friends’ Instagram feeds.

A drum roll please…

MINAH ROAD RAGE


When Siti Fairrah Ashykin Kamaruddin AKA Kiki went on a road rage rampage , complete with a steering lock that her right hand wielded with intense anger, . Poor Uncle Sim was saying sorry and trying to calm her down, but the torrent of youthful emotion that poured out of KiKi made sure none of that intergenerational apology would get through. She epitomises the frustration that millennials feel when faced with the possibility that they might just not get what they want – and if that isn’t scary, we don’t know what is.

Get the look
Perfect for those who are already wearing tudung. Just add shirt and jeans. But don’t forget the most important accessory: a steering lock – preferably in yellow, red, and black (as illustrated below). For safety reasons, please make a fake steering lock. Use rolled up newspaper, or sellotape two kitchen paper tube rolls, and then colour in the details with paint.

The all-important steering lock completes that smug expression as you demand for justice in the most unjustifiable way.

Brownie points
Convince an older friend to dress up as a Chinese uncle (don’t forget the grey-haired wig) and (deliberately plan to) collide into each other at a Halloween costume party, after which you have to whip out your fake ‘steering lock’ and re-enact the infamous Kiki hissy fit in front of everyone. Folks will whip out their smartphones in no time.

Only do it if:
You’re young and a shameless attention seeker, with a strong sense of entitlement.

BOMOH KELAPA DUDE


Men who have no shame in boasting about their unproven mythical powers will easily be able to identify with Datuk Ibrahim “Mahaguru” Mat Zin, who entranced the masses earlier this year with his surreal attention-hogging antics, claiming that he could find MH370 with the help of his fish-trap telescope and a pair of green coconuts. Incredulous, to say the least, but we know who’s the real coconut when we see one!

Get the look
You will need a black suit, blue-striped shirt (preferably 100% polyester), matching tie and black songkok. And, of course, you will need a pair of green coconuts – you can offer them to your party host as “auspicious gifts” once you’re done with them.

Can you tell which is the real coconut?

Brownie points
You will need an ample amount of nonsense in order to spread it around. Tell people that you can bring donuts back to life or that you can see at least 2 minutes into the future, but you need at least five minutes to return to the present. Don’t forget to drop a few mumbo jumbo incantations while you’re at it.

Only do it if:
You’re strange and beyond all shame.

BICKERING PORN STARS

Yes, these two (again).

As Alvivi’s saga continues, we watch in horror and delight as Malaysia’s favourite homegrown porn stars disintegrate into one drama after another – even though much of it was self-created. The drama peaked this year when the couple faced trial for inciting religious hostility when they posted a photo of themselves eating bak kut teh as a way to wish their readers a happy Ramadan – a regrettable climax to their sex-fuelled trip through the merciless world of viral celebrity.

Get the look
Perfect for young Chinese couples. For Alvin wannabes, wear a red T-shirt with rolled-up sleeves, shorts, and bleach your hair. For Vivian wannabes, wear something casual and short, but don’t bleach your hair. Stick to each other like Velcro.

Brownie points
Insensitivity and narcissism are vital to Alvivi’s personalities. Annoy the hell out of everyone by bragging about your sex life obnoxiously, taking endless selfies of each other, making politically incorrect greeting, and then accusing each other of promiscuity before launching into heavy PDA. If you get kicked out of party, consider yourself an overachiever.

Only do it if:
Your friends will forgive you no matter what.

NUDE GAMES ENTHUSIAST

You know why we're not allowed to show you the video, right?

Who would’ve ever thought that Penang is a hotbed for nudist activities in Malaysia? Certainly not Malaysians, who went ape over the Penang Nudist Games video in ? But nudity must be the scariest thing since zombies the way Malaysians got so worked up about it. So, yes, this is the costume of choice for Malaysia’s annus horibilis – horror so horrifying it had to be pixelated.

Get the look
Obviously, we wouldn’t advise anyone to go nude in public – the offence is called public indecency and will earn you prison time. However, since there are no restrictions on pixelated nudity, go wild. Below is a swatch of pixelated nudity that you can download, copy and paste, and print out as many times as you want, so you can cut it up and sellotape the pieces together to wear over a nude-coloured body stocking. Best done as a group effort – because while a group of nudists may represent a movement, one nudist is really just a pervert.

Look at it long enough and you will see yourself staring back.

Brownie points
Body-painting anyone?

Only do it if:
You want to make a statement.

ANTI-CHOCOLATE MILITIA

The Cadbury porcine DNA-contaminated chocolate affair was quite a showstopper in May this year. Not only did it cause Ebola-level panic among social media pundits but it brought out a diverse range of underground religiosos who really have a thing against chocolate. Meet the anti-chocolate militia AKA Pertubuhan Martabat Jalinan Muhibbah Malaysia (MJMM), headed by Abdul Rani Kulup Abdullah. We don’t want to say it but since no one pointed it out, it seems that Abdul Rani started wearing his Halloween costume early this year – he’s definitely a trendsetter.

Get the look
Quasi-military uniform, in dark colours. Slap on a collection of faux medals. Tip: peel off a few beer labels and stick them onto some cardboard and then pin it to your uniform. Dodgy pair of shades. And a red beret. Don’t forget to look serious and slightly irritated at all times.

This is for all those who have been terrorised by chocolate all their lives – rise up against the evil of cacao!

Brownie points
Denounce all things cacao, ditto all its by-products. Say things like: “Chocolate is evil. Chocolate is a menace to society. Eating it will turn you into a monster.” Get a few friends to chant along and, hey, you might just start a cult.

Only do it if:
You’ve completely run out of ideas.

Alternatively, you can dress up as a contaminated chocolate bar. That's pretty scary. 

Happy Halloween!